Tom Cruise is Crazy

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sldawgs
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#401 Post by sldawgs » 02 Nov 2006, 12:09

Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner to run revitalized United Artists studio

By GARY GENTILE
Associated Press

LOS ANGELES - Tom Cruise and producing partner Paula Wagner have been put in charge of United Artists, a film studio that was formed by Hollywood actors including Charlie Chaplin and Mary Pickford.

Wagner will serve as chief executive of the company, which is owned by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. Cruise will appear in UA films, but also be allowed to star in films from rival studios, MGM announced Thursday.

The development is a major comeback for Cruise and Wagner. They were unceremoniously dumped in August from their 14-year producing deal at Paramount Studios after Sumner Redstone, chairman of Paramount parent company Viacom Inc., blamed Cruise's public antics for hurting the box office performance of Mission:Impossible III.

Cruise/Wagner Productions said then that it had secured financing from two unidentified hedge funds to back future projects.

MGM said Thursday that Cruise and Wagner have taken an ownership interest in UA, but did not specify financial terms.

The pair will have full control of the production slate, which is expected to be four films a year, MGM said.

Cruise's last appearance in a UA film was in Rain Man in 1988, which won four Academy Awards including Best Picture.
Great, he has a whole studio now. Run for your lives! 8)
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#402 Post by JJ » 18 Nov 2006, 10:26

Tsk tsk. Rain on your wedding day.

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#403 Post by Humphrey » 20 Nov 2006, 06:59

JJ wrote:Tsk tsk. Rain on your wedding day.

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I hope they did not have any problems with the cutlery. Because that would have been truly ironic.
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#404 Post by Middle » 20 Nov 2006, 07:10

Humphrey wrote:
JJ wrote:Tsk tsk. Rain on your wedding day.

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I hope they did not have any problems with the cutlery. Because that would have been truly ironic.
I wonder why they didn't even invite Oprah. He did ruin her couches, after all...
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#405 Post by LittleJuan » 24 Nov 2006, 10:36

I don't know if he's crazy, but it'd be pretty damn funny if all this baby/wedding stuff is actually meant to keep us from thinking he's gay. 'Cause I didn't use to think he was and NOW I'm starting to what with all the details provided regarding the price and style of their wedding night underwear. WTF? :roll:
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#406 Post by alan smithee » 24 Nov 2006, 13:11

I don't remember reading this year-old article here:
Scarlett Johansson escapes Cruise’s clutches
It's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

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#407 Post by Middle » 24 Nov 2006, 13:18

alan smithee wrote:I don't remember reading this year-old article here:
Scarlett Johansson escapes Cruise’s clutches
Well, when you are gay (yet don't want to recognize the fact) and have a religion problem to cover the first part up, you need to start dating hot, young actresses and end up marrying the one that is most likely to fall for the trap you've set out...Others may have gone before her without revealing the details....
Btw, that Suri kid is too cute to be true. But is the kid really his??
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#408 Post by bratzks » 18 Jan 2008, 20:27

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#409 Post by snotball » 19 Jan 2008, 00:14

bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
Considering he's supposed to be dyslectic, and he was overwhelmed from reading the book, is it possible he read it all wrong and is actually the front man to a one man religion?

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#410 Post by Steel Frog » 23 Jan 2008, 15:22

bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
I didn't either, luckily I know of a writer who did:
Mark Morford, columnist, San Francisco Chronicle wrote: Stop the insanity, Tom. You can't handle it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Here is something you can do. Set up that nifty little Flip Video camera you got for Christmas just over there next to your couch. Now, plop yourself down in front of it and have a friend sit just off to the side and then both of you slam about nine shots of vodka followed by nine of extra-strong espresso and then hit the "Record" button as she begins to question you about your deepest beliefs on how the world really works, and you answer only in bursts of pseudo-lingo that make sense only to you and the houseplants, all while making sure you suddenly burst out laughing as maniacally as possible at random intervals and never ever blink. Won't that be fun?

And then you can compare. You can go back to your computer and rewatch the now-famous Tom Cruise Scientology video currently winging across the planet like a wacky Ebola virus, and contrast it with your swell little video and go: See? See that? No matter how hard I try, no matter how weird I think I am and no matter how heavily my therapist sighs every time I bring up my love of Shania Twain and banana sandwiches and "Battlestar Galactica" collectibles, I am not nearly as insane as Tom Cruise. Life is going to be OK.

Ah yes, the Tom Cruise Scientology indoctrination video. Surely by now you've seen this little hunk of pop culture manna? Surely, someone you know has watched the video and has described it to you in amazed, slightly disturbed tones.

It has already enjoyed nearly 2 million views so far, and Anderson Cooper even filed a swell little CNN report about it and it's still moving fast, this 9-minute slab of crazy that features this very intense, grinning, bizarre movie star talking in barely comprehensible half-sentences and perky Scientology lingo about "SPs" and "the tech" and "KSW" and "half-acks" and all manner of cool, culty jargon that, if you close your eyes and blur your imagination just right, sounds remarkably like a high school speed freak talking up Dungeons & Dragons to his kid brother.

Except this particular clip has apparently been edited by an epileptic teenager. It is scored with the "Mission: Impossible" theme song (to which Cruise doubtlessly owns the rights) and it has laughable zoom-in graphics pulled from somewhere deep in 1994 and it is book-ended with some of the most bloviated, hammy voice-over work this side of a "Saturday Night Live" parody. All told, it is, as the universal verdict goes, "unintentionally hilarious."

Unintentional, because it's supposed to be serious. It is supposed to make Scientology look intense and cool, and Cruise is clearly meant to appear as some sort of idealized L. Ron Hubbard-drunk demigod, a true hero and visionary (he's an OT VII, after all, the highest rank you can achieve in his "church" without going off to battle evil warlord Xenu yourself), who has apparently single-handedly brought Scientology to more than 1 billion people worldwide and who can bend spoons with his mind and whip up a delightful marinara in his sleep.

It is, in a way, a seminal piece of film. It finally removes all doubt that one of the wealthiest and most successful celebrities of this generation is, indisputably, many, many fries short of a Happy Meal. It's as if you crossed Mitt Romney with Mike Huckabee and rolled it in the hot goo of Ted Haggard and packed it all into the body of a junior-weight high school wrestling champ, with exactly the same level of verbal articulation. Which is to say, a log. A very, very intense log.

Perhaps this is the true joy of watching celebrity derailments and breakdowns and cult addictions. We like to think that would never be us. We like to think, "You know, if I was world famous and had a billion dollars and still had pretty good hair and a killer smile and at least used to be the hottest hunk of malehood on the planet, I sure wouldn't hitch my spiritual cart to the crazy train of a deeply deranged pill-popping sci-fi hack writer who invented a nutball cult religion on a bar bet. Wait, would I?"

Perhaps you are still not sure. Perhaps you think it's still not fair to make fun of Tom Cruise this way, no matter how clearly bats - crazy he so obviously is. After all, he's done some passable movies. He's a decent enough guy. I sort of liked him in "The Firm" and, um, "Legend." Cut him some slack, maybe?

Maybe. After all, everyone needs their little cult, right? Everyone needs their tribe and their myths and their psychological attachments, and is it Tom's fault that his intellectual and spiritual development apparently got stuck somewhere between "Star Trek" and the episode where Gilligan gets hit on the head with a coconut and his mouth turns into a radio? No, it is not.

What's more, it's not like this video is all that unusual. Surely there are Mormon indoctrination videos equally as deranged. Surely there are creepy installations playing right now over at the Creation Museum in Kentucky that will make your brain implode for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which is that half of Americans actually believe that humans really did fly on the backs of pterodactyls. I'm sure Opus Dei has some sort of S&M fetish dungeon where they take new recruits and staple their eyelids open and make them watch "The Da Vinci Code" on infinite repeat until they swear to worship an angry misogynistic God forevermore, just to make it stop. And the evangelicals in the hugely disturbing 2006 documentary "Jesus Camp" make Tom's Scientologists look like a bunch of geeky Boy Scouts on crack.

So then, maybe we all owe Tom Cruise a big debt of gratitude. After all, it is only through videos such as this that we can gain perspective on our own lives. It is only though ogling such phenomena over and over and maybe only after someone turns this clip into a drinking game ("Every time Tom squirms awkwardly in his chair and can't finish a sentence, drink!"), that we can finally eliminate all doubt as to our own mental stability and say, "Yes indeed, I may be a bit crazy, but I ain't no Tom Cruise crazy."

Or, as Tom would say, "I've canceled that in my area." Yes, Tom. You most certainly have.


-- Mark Morford columns with inset links to related material can be found at sfgate.com/columnists/morford.

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#411 Post by JJ » 23 Jan 2008, 15:23

Steel Frog wrote:
bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
I didn't either, luckily I know of a writer who did:
Mark Morford, columnist, San Francisco Chronicle wrote:
You lost me at Morford. That guy really is certifiable.
Last edited by JJ on 23 Jan 2008, 15:33, edited 1 time in total.
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#412 Post by Steel Frog » 23 Jan 2008, 15:32

JJ wrote:
Steel Frog wrote:
bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
I didn't either, luckily I know of a writer who did:
Mark Morford, columnist, San Francisco Chronicle wrote:
You lost me at Morford. That guy really is certifiable.
Agreed; he's an inspiration to us all.

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#413 Post by JJ » 23 Jan 2008, 15:35

Steel Frog wrote:
JJ wrote:
Steel Frog wrote:
bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
I didn't either, luckily I know of a writer who did:
Mark Morford, columnist, San Francisco Chronicle wrote:
You lost me at Morford. That guy really is certifiable.
Agreed; he's an inspiration to us all.
Don't get me wrong; I hate the president just like the next guy. (But unlike Morford,) I'm not convinced he actually eats babies.
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#414 Post by Steel Frog » 23 Jan 2008, 15:38

JJ wrote:
Steel Frog wrote:
JJ wrote:
Steel Frog wrote:
bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
I didn't either, luckily I know of a writer who did:
Mark Morford, columnist, San Francisco Chronicle wrote:
You lost me at Morford. That guy really is certifiable.
Agreed; he's an inspiration to us all.
Don't get me wrong; I hate the president just like the next guy. (But unlike Morford,) I'm not convinced he actually eats babies.
That's what I love about him; no matter how "out there" I get, he's always gonna be past that point.

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#415 Post by JJ » 23 Jan 2008, 15:42

Steel Frog wrote:
JJ wrote:
Steel Frog wrote:
JJ wrote:
Steel Frog wrote:
bratzks wrote:http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruis ... you-to-see

I don't even know what to say.
I didn't either, luckily I know of a writer who did:
Mark Morford, columnist, San Francisco Chronicle wrote:
You lost me at Morford. That guy really is certifiable.
Agreed; he's an inspiration to us all.
Don't get me wrong; I hate the president just like the next guy. (But unlike Morford,) I'm not convinced he actually eats babies.
That's what I love about him; no matter how "out there" I get, he's always gonna be past that point.
Oh, I see. For that, I don't need Morford. There's my mother-in-law.
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#416 Post by bing » 23 Jan 2008, 15:55

http://www.tmz.com/2008/01/22/jerry-to- ... lly-funny/

Jerry O'Connell's parody, aka Jerry gets on the scientology shit list forever and ever. It's actually fairly humorous.

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#417 Post by Steel Frog » 23 Jan 2008, 16:02

bing wrote:http://www.tmz.com/2008/01/22/jerry-to- ... lly-funny/

Jerry O'Connell's parody, aka Jerry gets on the scientology shit list forever and ever. It's actually fairly humorous.
:lol:

Why isn't Jerry ever this funny when he needs to be?

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#418 Post by dante » 24 Jan 2008, 15:41

Steel Frog wrote:
bing wrote:http://www.tmz.com/2008/01/22/jerry-to- ... lly-funny/

Jerry O'Connell's parody, aka Jerry gets on the scientology shit list forever and ever. It's actually fairly humorous.
:lol:

Why isn't Jerry ever this funny when he needs to be?
superb :lol:

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#419 Post by Middle » 08 Feb 2008, 08:44

WTF? Tom Cruise dated Cher???
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#420 Post by Bill » 08 Feb 2008, 15:32

Middle wrote:WTF? Tom Cruise dated Cher???
Huh? Where did you hear that?
.

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#421 Post by Batman » 11 Feb 2008, 04:12

Bill wrote:
Middle wrote:WTF? Tom Cruise dated Cher???
Huh? Where did you hear that?
Isn't he a little old for her?
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#422 Post by snotball » 28 May 2008, 23:51

Now that the FW front page advertises Cruise's supossedly official site, does it mean that we have to delete this thread?
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Re: Tom Cruise is Crazy

#423 Post by Fat Head » 27 Jan 2009, 01:08

i thougth this was funny as hell, not a big tom cruise fan http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7850746.stm
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Re: Tom Cruise is Crazy

#424 Post by dante » 18 Oct 2010, 09:30

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