Preface:

I (usually) work in a technical support capacity, currently for a business telephone and internet service provider.
Through the course of my day, I come across emails (to customers) and trouble tickets (w/ notes that may or may not be visible to customers). Predominantly, these notes are are clear, concise, and make sense. Those notes and/or emails will not be found in this thread.

This thread is dedicated to those notes that defy comprehension, bewilder the reader, and generally leave me (and my other coworkers) wondering how the individual made it through the hiring process.

Enjoy!

For the initial entry into this thread, I submit a phrase that has been used (within ticket notes) eight separate times, to date, by the same individual (approaching 12 months of employment)...

(another email to a customer)

Good Morning,
Are you receiving trouble with receiving faxes or sending out-going faxes.

Different coworker had recently complained of being bitten by bugs while at her desk. the following day, she comes into my section of the office, offering a ergonomic back pillow to anyone in the room. when everyone declined the offer, she states her belief that the pillow may house whatever bugs were biting her.

This one is my favorite so far

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The means it's all ok.

Unfortunately, most (multiply people ) lack the capability to proof read anything

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Welcome Winter

on the phone with one of the dummies today. she asked me to speak with a customer's IT support tech, then gives me the reference ticket number.
I see a recent note (maybe 4 notes down) dated 8/30 that states there will be a conference call and testing at 5pm tomorrow.

I brought the note to her attention. She reads it, then says, "but that's not until tomorrow. can you talk to him right now?"

back at work today, and discovered (not really) that this condition isn't isolated to my office.
here is a snippet from an email we received (from a law firm) this morning:

So they need a tech, but a tech already looked into it?

the answering service isn't part of our company. Incidentally, this is the same company we use for our after hours service.
I called the answering service and asked them how they typically handle an inbound call for this customer. Guess what the rep told me. They send the call to voicemail.

Not my circus; not my monkey.

they can't English.

Ticket was created on Sep 7. The above note is the only interaction with the customer. I guess the customer didn't volunteer the names, extensions, and cell phone numbers of the 15 employees, and my idiot coworker didn't feel obligated to ask. My idiot coworker can, however, email my team (multiply times) this morning asking for a status update on this ticket.

two separate coworkers are trying to keep me apprised of current slang. It should be noted that one of them has about 5 years on me, but dresses sort of rock-a-billy.



(all of the hashtags were also linked, but you get the idea...)

Where are they get see any yelling off at you?

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I'm not insane, my mother had me tested!

I like turtles.

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Robin: "Gosh, Batman, is there anything you don't know?"
Batman: "Oh yes, Robin. Several things, in fact."

I like lamp.

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Come play with us, Danny. Forever and ever and ever.

Middle, are you just looking at things in this thread and saying that you love them?

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.

This conversation escalated quickly

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The means it's all ok.

asked over intra-office instant messaging app:

Only if you're flying in from either the Eastern or Central time zones. You're all good if you're in the Pacific or Mountain zones. Of course, if your last name ends in a letter corresponding to a prime number you always need a passport.

only when they're on DST

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It's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

only before August 12, 1898

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It's such a fine line between stupid and clever.