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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 12 Dec 2016, 16:20 
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TV's Kryptonite
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NoShoes wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
This one was in an email FROM one of our customers. I thought it was speech-to-text, but the overall email suggests he typed this out...
Quote:
Hello again, the phones are starting to act up again. There is a 1-2-3 second delay when we answer the phone. I pick up the phone and say hello, repeat myself 2 more times and by the 3rd time I say hello then the customer can hear me.

Please advise the customer to wait 1-2-3 seconds to say hello, then it won't seem like any delay.

:lol: just count it out... :confused:


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 03 Jan 2017, 07:47 
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Same person, two different customer tickets:

Quote:
I spoke Magnus (customer) and let him know what Andrew (tech) stated. He said we needs to find out what is maxing out the internet usage and his thinking about cancelling service.
Why would our tech be thinking about cancelling service?

Quote:
Dave called stated that he needed a to contact the site contactec and i spoke with simon and he seen is car and went up to his vehcle
:confused:


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 06 Jan 2017, 13:02 
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Quote:
Sonia stated that when she is making an outgoing call on any available line that is available the line disconnects.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 07 Jan 2017, 06:20 
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Are you sure she wasn't using an available line that wasn't available?

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 09 Jan 2017, 13:02 
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TV's Kryptonite
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Came to the aid of one of the idiots today.
She left for lunch, drove less than a mile away, and purchased food for at least one other person.
When she tried to head back, her car wouldn't start.
She called over to a fellow idiot to report her trouble and ask for help.

I offered to drive over and assist.
I used my battery pack w/ jumper cable attachment. Car wouldn't turn over, but the dash, radio, etc. work fine.
I reported the trouble was with her starter or alternator. She asked if we could try standard cables.
I connected to both terminals on my battery, connected to the positive terminal on her battery, then grounded my negative terminal to the frame of her car.
Of course it still won't start. She pushed for me to move the ground clamp off her frame and onto the negative terminal of her battery. In my experience, this can cause trouble for my car.
I explained as much, explained what the jump start is for, and why it isn't needed for her car right now.
She asked for her cables back, stating she'd find someone to connect it the way she wanted it connected.

Idiot.

:edit: whoever answered her second cry for help ended up giving her a ride back to work.


Last edited by Scruluce on 09 Jan 2017, 13:22, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 09 Jan 2017, 13:03 
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TV's Kryptonite
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incidentally, my team has been moved into the same room with the idiots. I am now sitting next to the above mentioned idiot.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 09 Jan 2017, 14:17 
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Scruluce wrote:
incidentally, my team has been moved into the same room with the idiots. I am now sitting next to the above mentioned idiot.

Please, please, please tell me that when she walked back in you did the smile and wink that your avatar is doing. That would win Filmwise for the month.

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 09 Jan 2017, 16:57 
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sldawgs wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
incidentally, my team has been moved into the same room with the idiots. I am now sitting next to the above mentioned idiot.

Please, please, please tell me that when she walked back in you did the smile and wink that your avatar is doing. That would win Filmwise for the month.

:lol: that's funny. she's not said a word to me since.
there is exactly a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever wink at any of the idiots, least of all the one in question.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 10 Jan 2017, 01:33 
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Scruluce wrote:
Came to the aid of one of the idiots today.
She left for lunch, drove less than a mile away, and purchased food for at least one other person.
When she tried to head back, her car wouldn't start.
She called over to a fellow idiot to report her trouble and ask for help.

I offered to drive over and assist.
I used my battery pack w/ jumper cable attachment. Car wouldn't turn over, but the dash, radio, etc. work fine.
I reported the trouble was with her starter or alternator. She asked if we could try standard cables.
I connected to both terminals on my battery, connected to the positive terminal on her battery, then grounded my negative terminal to the frame of her car.
Of course it still won't start. She pushed for me to move the ground clamp off her frame and onto the negative terminal of her battery. In my experience, this can cause trouble for my car.
I explained as much, explained what the jump start is for, and why it isn't needed for her car right now.
She asked for her cables back, stating she'd find someone to connect it the way she wanted it connected.

Idiot.

:edit: whoever answered her second cry for help ended up giving her a ride back to work.

Man, that's how you can end up exploding a battery. Wheee! Acid shower!

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 10 Jan 2017, 13:18 
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Batman wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
Came to the aid of one of the idiots today.
She left for lunch, drove less than a mile away, and purchased food for at least one other person.
When she tried to head back, her car wouldn't start.
She called over to a fellow idiot to report her trouble and ask for help.

I offered to drive over and assist.
I used my battery pack w/ jumper cable attachment. Car wouldn't turn over, but the dash, radio, etc. work fine.
I reported the trouble was with her starter or alternator. She asked if we could try standard cables.
I connected to both terminals on my battery, connected to the positive terminal on her battery, then grounded my negative terminal to the frame of her car.
Of course it still won't start. She pushed for me to move the ground clamp off her frame and onto the negative terminal of her battery. In my experience, this can cause trouble for my car.
I explained as much, explained what the jump start is for, and why it isn't needed for her car right now.
She asked for her cables back, stating she'd find someone to connect it the way she wanted it connected.

Idiot.

:edit: whoever answered her second cry for help ended up giving her a ride back to work.

Man, that's how you can end up exploding a battery. Wheee! Acid shower!

so you see what I'm working with here...

UPDATE: a mechanic has told her that the issue is her key; the teeth are worn down to the point that it doesn't make contact in all of the right spots.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 11 Jan 2017, 10:53 
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Scruluce wrote:
Batman wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
Came to the aid of one of the idiots today.
She left for lunch, drove less than a mile away, and purchased food for at least one other person.
When she tried to head back, her car wouldn't start.
She called over to a fellow idiot to report her trouble and ask for help.

I offered to drive over and assist.
I used my battery pack w/ jumper cable attachment. Car wouldn't turn over, but the dash, radio, etc. work fine.
I reported the trouble was with her starter or alternator. She asked if we could try standard cables.
I connected to both terminals on my battery, connected to the positive terminal on her battery, then grounded my negative terminal to the frame of her car.
Of course it still won't start. She pushed for me to move the ground clamp off her frame and onto the negative terminal of her battery. In my experience, this can cause trouble for my car.
I explained as much, explained what the jump start is for, and why it isn't needed for her car right now.
She asked for her cables back, stating she'd find someone to connect it the way she wanted it connected.

Idiot.

:edit: whoever answered her second cry for help ended up giving her a ride back to work.

Man, that's how you can end up exploding a battery. Wheee! Acid shower!

so you see what I'm working with here...

UPDATE: a mechanic has told her that the issue is her key; the teeth are worn down to the point that it doesn't make contact in all of the right spots.

How in the hell do you wear down a key? How old is this car?

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 11 Jan 2017, 12:53 
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sldawgs wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
UPDATE: a mechanic has told her that the issue is her key; the teeth are worn down to the point that it doesn't make contact in all of the right spots.

How in the hell do you wear down a key? How old is this car?
It's a Saturn sedan of some sort, so at best it was brand new 7-8 years ago.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 11 Jan 2017, 18:29 
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Scruluce wrote:
sldawgs wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
UPDATE: a mechanic has told her that the issue is her key; the teeth are worn down to the point that it doesn't make contact in all of the right spots.

How in the hell do you wear down a key? How old is this car?
It's a Saturn sedan of some sort, so at best it was brand new 7-8 years ago.

It can happen in just a few years, but usually not that bad. I've had a couple cars and seen others where the keys could be removed while the car was running.

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 19 Jan 2017, 16:47 
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knarf wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
sldawgs wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
UPDATE: a mechanic has told her that the issue is her key; the teeth are worn down to the point that it doesn't make contact in all of the right spots.

How in the hell do you wear down a key? How old is this car?
It's a Saturn sedan of some sort, so at best it was brand new 7-8 years ago.

It can happen in just a few years, but usually not that bad. I've had a couple cars and seen others where the keys could be removed while the car was running.

I used to have a Saturn... had to get the ingition replaced once because they "made them all janky." Yes... that's the technical term the mechanic used. My key was not worn down but you had to really push it just the right way to get it to turn the ignition.

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 20 Jan 2017, 12:09 
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Odd Todd wrote:
My key was not worn down but you had to really push it just the right way to get it to turn the ignition.


TWSS


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 22 Jan 2017, 01:52 
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Buckykatt wrote:
Odd Todd wrote:
My key was not worn down but you had to really push it just the right way to get it to turn the ignition.


TWSS

:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2017, 14:29 
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The primary idiot was just remarking on a coworker's frank manner of speaking (we are now consolidated to one room in the building. yay for me!). This is what she said:
Quote:
Wow, Dennis is a blunt


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 27 Feb 2017, 14:21 
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Quote:
the phone vendor stated that it is: quick disconnecting or open loop connect where the lines are not hanging up and they are lightened up like someone if someone is on the phones. She has already rebooted all of her phones and stated that it is not the phone system she stated that it on all of the lines


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 05 Apr 2017, 11:47 
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She went to the local Chinese restaurant for lunch.
Quote:
the chowmenege was only 7:40


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 05 Apr 2017, 12:56 
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Scruluce wrote:
She went to the local Chinese restaurant for lunch.
Quote:
the chowmenege was only 7:40

Could have been worse....could have been chow mange (but I wouldn't want to eat it :tongue: )

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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 05 Apr 2017, 23:34 
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NoShoes wrote:
Scruluce wrote:
She went to the local Chinese restaurant for lunch.
Quote:
the chowmenege was only 7:40

Could have been worse....could have been chow mange (but I wouldn't want to eat it :tongue: )

right?! oh and "7:40" is read "$7.40"


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 16 Apr 2017, 16:07 
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Quote:
Good morning Joseph,

I wanted to follow up with you to let you know why you continue to receive a bill from us . We have received your terminate notice on 3/21/17 and have terminated the account for the end of that billing period per your contract.

Your next bill will probate back to the end of that date and received your final balance.

Please feel free to contact with if you have any questions.

Have a wonderful day!


yeah, that went out to a customer.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 01 May 2017, 15:15 
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About 2 months back, we hired 2 new guys for customer service. One of the idiots (the only one remaining, other two fired) tries to give the new guys fair warning:
idiot wrote:
You gotta look out for (Scruluce). He needs to quit and go be a school teacher, cuz he will correct your grammar literary everytime you mess up.
Scruluce wrote:
(noticing confused expression on new guys' faces) Literally?
idiot wrote:
See what I mean?!


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 01 May 2017, 15:49 
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Another belated story (around the same time, maybe a month older)...

The same idiot intends to ask me for a piece of gum.
idiot wrote:
Can I have your gum?
(removed gum from my mouth and offered it)
idiot wrote:
No, I meant can I have a piece of gum? I don't want yours, I don't know where your mouth's been.
Scru wrote:
(gave idiot a stick of gum then gestured toward my mouth/jaw...) it's been right here on my face for the last 40 years
idiot wrote:
(looking bewildered) You know what I mean though, right? LIke I don't know where your mouth has been... like, I don't know where it's been.
I play dumb and reiterate that my mouth has never left my face, which finally leads to the best possible reaction...)
idiot wrote:
you just don't get it.



"you just don't get it" and "literary" have become family jokes for the last few months.


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 Post subject: Re: My Idiot Coworker(s)
PostPosted: 02 May 2017, 05:52 
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Geez, he wasn't being literary, he was being figural. This isn't rock and science. You just don't get it.

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