Reviews:
Black Dynamite
The Book of Eli
Chloe
Clash of the Titans
The Crazies
Date Night
Duplicity
From Paris with Love
Get Him to the Greek
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Greenberg
Hot Tub Time Machine
I'm Still Here
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Iron Man 2
The Kids Are All Right
Larry Crowne
Letters to Juliet
Love and Other Drugs
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
The Road
Robin Hood
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Shutter Island
A Single Man
Solitary Man
Super 8
Vantage Point
The Wolfman
Wanted
Youth in Revolt

PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME
FIRST 10 MINUTES
My first thought while watching Prince of Persia: How can it be that the little boy from Time Bandits has not aged at all in the last thirty years. But that's him, no doubt about it, playing the young Jake Gyllenhaal. I guess he's got that disease the chick from Orphan had. Oh well, he looks pretty good, it's nice to see he finally got another movie role.
The second thought I had was: Wow, this looks very nice and epic. It looks like Bruckheimer spared no expenses in making sure that ancient Persia never looked better. I'm sure he thought he had another Pirates of the Caribbean on his hands, and visions of dollar signs were dancing in his head. (Oops, joke's on him!)
Third thought: This is going to suck. Okay, I admit that I have some pre-conceived notions of what I'll think of this movie. Unfair, but that's the way it goes.
Fourth thought: Why the hell is Ben Kingley, he of Gandhi and Sexy Beast fame, starring in this piece of crap? (See above about Bruckheimer, the part about the dollar signs.) And granted, I still don't really know it's a piece of crap yet, but it probably is.
Fifth thought: Jake Gyllenhaal wouldn't have been my first choice for this role. I mean, he's okay and all, but he just doesn't seem to fit the Prince of Persia mold.
I just don't see the resemblance.
Sixth thought: In the tenth minute of the movie, there is a little scene of Dastan (Gyllenhaal) scaling a fortress wall that is pretty ridiculous, but it's kinda interesting, kinda fun, and certainly pays homage to the video game series on which the movie is based. So I'll give it props for that. Or maybe just one prop. Can you give a prop?
Seventh thought: This is still gonna suck. But I kinda wanna watch to see if I'm wrong. At least it'll look pretty.
FOLLOW-UP
Yup, it was pretty bad. Didn't care about the good guys, didn't care about the bad guys, didn't care about what happened, didn't care about anything.
FIRST 10 MINUTES
"Long ago, in a land far away..." Really??? It takes some giant balls to start a movie with that phrase. Go Disney!!!
This is one of those movies that is so simple and stupid in its plot structure, yet I can't really follow it at all. How does that happen? I think it's because they could just be saying any words, and you know exactly what's happening, so I get really bored. Wow, the ridiculous over the top visual cues and inflection in their voices! I feel like I'm watching some sort of exercise about sub-context for Drama 101, they could be talking about goats and applesauce and you would still figure out what is happening by the dramatic weight of every word.
Oh man, Ben Kingsley, I love you, why are you doing this?? And Tony Blair guy?? Why are you not playing Tony Blair?? This is really messing me up. (BK: Jess, I know it looks like Michael Sheen, but that ain't him. Sorry. I love you.)
Okay, back to the movie. Well, this is just a crappy Disney animation movie that is shrouded in live action so that you might not notice that it's just a crappy Disney animation movie. That is my take on it. I bet there are your typical Disney story structures too. The king will die. (Ahem, Bambi! Lion King!) And then Jake will become a prince. (Um, Cinderella?) Then he will finally get his walking legs and be a part of this worllllld! (Little Mermaid!) Right guys? Right??
Anyhow, Brian will give a real review, but I can't take these kinds of movies seriously and I won't be watching the rest. (BK: Hm, I think I might have failed in the "real review" department...)
JESS SLEEP METER
(Bri: She's wide awake, but somewhere else.)
FOLLOW-UP
Nope.